Putting the Fire Out

So I know I’ve been offline for a bit…  I guess I just didn’t feel much like writing.  Could have been because I thought my single-gal exploits were going to be temporarily postponed for awhile!  Now I am not naïve enough to think that I had found “him” and the search was finally over.  In fact, at this point I think I’m a little too jaded and cynical to jump to conclusions such as that so quickly.  But I had at least thought I was “dating” someone and wouldn’t have to check that eHarmony thing for awhile.  Plus there was a bit of a lull there, as tends to be the trend periodically.  I assumed things were just working out for the best.  So the last I wrote (Yes yes yes…  it was a million years ago, I’m sorry!!!) The Firefighter had finally responded to my attempts at communication via email.  So I wrote him what I thought was a hilariously witty response, and posted it for all to read.  Our story continues from there…

So no less than 20 minutes after I hit send on that email and promptly copied and pasted it into a blog post, I received a text from said firefighter.  It was a novella, really.  And it made me feel amazing.  He said he really liked my email and apologized for being incommunicado for so long.  He gave me a long diatribe about what he had been occupied with at work over the last week, and asked when I was available so he could see me and get caught up.  We made dinner plans for the next night.  When I arrived at the restaurant, I could tell something was different.  It was like he had put more effort in getting ready for this date than the last ones.  His shave was closer, his shirt had less wrinkles.  Or maybe I was just happy to see him.  We had made plans contingent upon an early night, as we both had late night plans with friends, so at around 8 he walked me to my car and we shared a somewhat awkward kiss.  All the excitement I had felt at the beginning of the night faded.  I was back where I was the week before, not knowing what in the world he was thinking, somewhat disappointed that I wasn’t completely rocking his world. 

My disappointment, however, turned to bright-eyed hope when I got a text a couple days later…  he asked me out for Valentine’s Day!!!  Not only did he ask me out for Valentine’s Day, but he offered to COOK ME DINNER on Valentine’s Day!  He was very tactful, though, not making it out to be a whole “Will you be my Valentine” type invite.  More of a “People need to eat dinner right, regardless of it being a major Hallmark holiday?”  So I bought giant cupcakes and a six pack of IPAs and headed downtown to his place for my Valentine’s dinner.  Dinner was amazing.  Grilled filet mignon, fresh veggies, wine…  he even had appetizers, it was very sweet!  We talked while he cooked and it was so calm and relaxed, conversation flowed like we had known each other forever.  We ate dinner, watched a movie…  and I’m going to leave it at that. :-)  Suffice it to say, I left his place at 5 in the morning and was nothing short of extremely sleepy at work that Wednesday.

A few more dates and a few more extremely sleepy days at work came beyond Valentine’s Day, and I thought things were actually going somewhere.  Again, I hadn’t boarded the train to ‘Till Death Do Us Part’ station just yet.  But I was definitely optimistic about where things were headed.  And optimistic about soon introducing him to my friends!  But then the other shoe dropped.  More time lapsed between texts, no future plans were set up.  One day I sent him a text asking how his day was, to which I received a response, which was good.  I responded to his response, but that was the last communication for over a week, which was definitely not good.  Oh, but it gets worse!!  After no calls, no texts, nothing for 8 days (but who was counting?), he finally sends a smoke signal.  Okay, so it was a text message, but smoke signal would have been really cool!  This is what the text said –

“So Peyton’s going to be a Bronco.  I hate to say it, but the donkeys might actually look good next year.”  Um, EXCUSE ME?!?!  A solid week of radio silence and THAT is what you choose to say???  No “Hey, sorry I haven’t talked to ya in while…  how have you been?”  OR “I know I kinda disappeared there, but how are you?”  Not only were you missing tact and courtesy, but you call my beloved Denver Broncos the DONKEYS and expect a civil response?!?!  I could have even taken the slight stab at the Broncos had it been preceded by some sort of apology for being completely absent for a week. 

Now I know that I was in no way his girlfriend, and there was no commitment outlined or discussed.  But am I nuts for thinking that after enough dates that I lost count (I figure that has to be more than 8 or 9, at least), and a number of intimate occasions (a.k.a. more than just 1) that we might actually be what they call “dating”?  And that “dating” implies that it is somewhat rude to leave someone hanging for more than a week?  He had slept over, after all.  Am I crazy for assuming that it is not socially acceptable to not contact someone you are “dating” for over a week?  So my response…  No response at all.  Believe me, it took pretty much every last ounce of self control and restraint I have in my entire body.  But I did it.  Or rather I didn’t do it, I didn’t text back.  And I still haven’t texted back, and it’s been over a week since his ridiculous “donkeys” text.  I’ve been patting myself on the back for 11 days now.

I think what very well may have helped me was lunch with an ex, of all things.  We had a brief relationship about 5 years ago, which ended very amicably.  I realized we just weren’t meant to be.  He was a Republican.  But even beyond our vastly different political views, he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.  He was terrible at making time for me, and I felt it.  We have, however, remained friends over the last few years.  Not necessarily close friends, but a lunch here and there, a Facebook wall post periodically.  Well recently a wall post turned into a lunch.  We sat and chatted about life and what we had both been up to since we last talked, and I asked him what was going on in his dating world.  He said he wasn’t seeing anyone special, and that the last girl he was spending serious time with got annoyed that he was always leaving town and had perpetual weekend plans.  When he told me that, I said “Well, you did that to me all the time too.  I remember a time when we were supposed to be having a romantic night in and you left just after I made dinner to meet your boss at the Hard Rock in Tampa.”  Yes, I’m sure to the average reader this guy sounds like a serious piece of work…  but he really is a good guy.  I then said “Well, you just haven’t found the woman who motivates you to stay home yet.  Nor are you at the point in your life yet where you’re ready to find her.”  That’s when the light bulb over my head turned on.  Duh, Megan!!!  The Firefighter isn’t ready yet either!  Either that, or I’m just not the one who motivates him.  Or both.  But either way, there was no reason to text him back.  When you’re thinking about someone, when you want to talk to them, want to see them, you call.  Or text, or whatever.  Something.  But no contact in over a week?  I obviously wasn’t on his mind.  And that’s not even necessarily his fault, it just is what it is.  So why prolong the inevitable?  There really isn’t a point in continuing down a path that lead to nowhere.  Don’t get me wrong, he still crosses my mind.  Do I hope to randomly run into him downtown somewhere, someday?  Ideally while on the arm of a fabulously handsome, successful, well dressed man with more hair than he has?  Yes.  But I’m not banking on it.

So unfortunately, the firefighter who had definitely lit my fire for a few months there has subsequently put that fire right out.  He was hot, he was fun, he was well traveled.  But he and I just weren’t meant to be.  And lunch with an ex couldn’t have come at a better time to show me that.  Alas, it’s back to the drawing board.  Luckily, there are more prospects on the horizon… :-)  Online dating can be quite beneficial that way.  We shall see what the next round has in store for me!