Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

I’m sure you’ve heard that old adage…  “Don’t hate the player, hate the game!”  Oh yeah, I just called it an ‘old adage’.  Well if your idea of an adage is something more along the lines of “Don’t judge a book by its cover” or “The grass is always greener on the other side”, let me explain.  This particular saying is pretty applicable to dating.  We shouldn’t be mad at the way it is, we should be mad at the people who try to play these games with romantic endeavors.  But that’s pretty impossible.  The whole thing is a giant game, and the slightly upsetting part about this is that it’s LIFE!  It shouldn’t be a game, it should be quite the opposite.  People shouldn’t be “players”, or act like “playas” (throw your best slang accent on that one).  People should be upfront and honest with each other, right?  I mean really, when you think about it, finding a mate is one of the most important missions one will even encounter in life… or at least it should be.

In today’s day and age, none of us are strangers to divorce.  What’s the statistic say?  Something like 40% of us nowadays are children of divorce?  I know I am… and I can think of at least 3 other friends out of 10 who are as well.  So yeah, we’ll stick with 40%. But regardless, I don’t know anyone who is planning on getting a divorce.  Even those of us who are products of divorce still gun for forever.  That being said, the logical conclusion one must come to is that dating is the means of making arguably one of the most important decisions of our lives.  Since modern American society has shunned the concept of dowries and arranged marriage, dating is pretty much all we’ve got.  Unless of course you’re into Russian mail order brides, but most people can’t afford all that goes along with that.  Dating is it!  It’s the only way to nail down a mate for life, the one you’ll be with forever, the second genetic contributor to your future children.  We have no other choice!  Ahhhhh… how’s THAT for a dose of reality???  I bet you were wandering through life before reading this, never thinking about how truly serious it is to give out your phone number!  Well, you’re welcome.  This revelation has been brought to you by the letter ‘e’.  Lowercase…as in eHarm… Eh, you got it I’m sure.

So we’ve established that the quest to find that special someone is important.  Much more significant than Saturday morning pick-up basketball, or a quick soccer scrimmage with the boys.  This is LIFE people!  So why on earth must we treat it like a game?  And I don’t care what you say, it IS a game.  I know it sucks, but that’s the way it is.  You can’t choose not to play, because it’s not your choice.  There’s another old adage for you… “You can’t win if you don’t play!”  That one’s applicable here too.  Dating is probably one of the most difficult games to play, but you have to play it if you want to win, and by ‘win’ I mean win yourself a partner for life.  I have had many friends tell me things like “Don’t play the game!” and “Be better than the game!” and let’s not forget “If you just act on your feelings, you’ll get so much further!”  Well I call bullshit.  The other person is undoubtedly playing, therefore you have no choice.  If you don’t play, you automatically lose.  Since we’ve already established the gravity of the situation, what other choice do you have?  I suppose I should say what other choice do I have…  yeah,  for a second I forgot this blog is about me!

The strategy involved in the dating game is fierce.  I’d say it’s comparable to Risk!  What other board game involved as much strategic thinking as Risk??  Well, Clue maybe, now that I think about it.  One Thanksgiving, I suckered my family into playing 13 games of Clue, 12 of which I won…  But I digress!  I definitely have NOT won 12 rounds of this dating game.  That’s for sure.   I think the hardest part about determining your moves here is that nobody is really playing by the same rules.  Now think about that for just a second.  Can you imagine opening up the Trivial Pursuit box, having never played before in your life, and trying to figure out what on earth to do with a board, a box of cards, a dice, these weird looking empty pie-looking things, and bunch of tiny plastic triangles?  Well that’s pretty much what this whole dating thing is like.  We all open the same box, and that box contains the same pieces with which to play, however that folded over sheet of paper containing the rules and instructions is missing.  The funny part is that it’s never actually been written.  It’s not like Hasbro had an error in their factory, these particular rules have never actually been put to paper.  We all seem to think we’ve seen them though!  Everyone has this idea of how the game is supposed to be played. 

Here are some examples of these fantastical rules… for women:

• Don’t call him, make him get your number and call you
• Don’t make the plans, let him decide on where you’re going on a date
• If you were the last one to text, don’t text again until he texts you

Here are some examples I’ve gathered from some of my platonic male friends:

• Wait 3 days to call her after you get her number (Okay, maybe that one was from the movie Swingers)
• Play it cool, don’t let on that you like her as much as you do
• Don’t make plans for date #2 until at least 2 days after date #1

All in all, I think both sides can essentially agree that one of the most important “rules” is to make sure you don’t seem too eager, too interested in the other person.  We run into problems again here though, as everyone’s determination of the appropriate level of interest varies.  Ultimately though, you can’t let on that you like someone.  Shhhhhhh!!!  Gotta keep ‘em guessing!  Wondering when you’ll call, if you like them, if they said something wrong…  It’s all part of the game!  If you show your cards too early, they’re likely to think you’re clingy, or get scared that you’re moving too fast and run the other way.  But that’s ridiculous!  Now I will say that if you start blowing my phone up to the point where I should be worried, or if you call my office and ask the receptionist to transfer you to my desk because I haven’t returned the text you sent me just an hour ago, then yeah!  I’m going to run, as you are obviously crazy.  But I have to believe that there are more non-crazy people out there, at least in my dating pool.  So what’s the harm in letting someone know that you ARE interested, that you WANT to see them again?  But nooooooo!  That would be weird!  Yep!  Totally weird to have an honest, real display of perfectly logical emotion.  Ah, how soon we forget that nothing about this game is logical!

The worst part of this pastime is the end.  One person has the ability to put a stop to the whole thing, and the other party doesn’t necessarily need to agree.  Such is life.  Which I can accept for an actual “break-up”, i.e.-the end of a relationship wherein both parties have agreed that they wanted to be in a relationship.  Sometimes one person just isn’t feelin’ it anymore, and it’s time to go.  But what’s with the sudden abrupt ending after a date or two?  There’s no commitment yet, so I can see how nobody necessarily owes anyone an explanation.  And I’m almost okay with “I had a nice time!  Thanks so much!  Drive safe!” and that’s it.  No text afterwards, no phone call, no future plans.  At least then it’s pretty obvious that they’re just not that into you.  But people (as I can’t blame just guys for this one, women are guilty of it too), why in the world do you have to play it like this?  Read on…

Me: Well thanks so much for dinner!  It was cool to finally meeting you in person, I had a great time!

Matt 26 Winter Springs:  Me too!  Thanks so much to you!  I was great to meet you too!

Me:  Well take care, and have a great weekend.

Matt 26 Winter Springs:  So I’m out of town this weekend at that bachelor party I was telling you about in Tampa, and then Sunday I’ve got some family obligations.  But how about we meet back up next week sometime?

Me:  Okay!  That sounds good!

Matt 26 Winter Springs:  Great!  I’ll call you!  Drive safe!

So from that little scene, one would assume that there was at least one more date, right?  Nope!  Wrong.  He never called.  Now am I devastated, crying myself to sleep about it?  No.  I assume I’m probably a little much for him.  He was very very sweet, a little bit introverted.  Introverted and “sweet” are probably NOT amongst the first ten adjectives you think of when you think of me.  So no, it’s not really a big deal that I never heard back.  But why say you want to go out again and that you’ll call if you don’t want to go out again and don’t plan on calling?  This is what boggles my mind!  What kind of strategy is this, what does it accomplish?  Now ideally, if he wasn’t interested, his next move would have been to actually call and say “Hey, I know I said we should meet back up, but the more I think about it, the more I think this just probably wouldn’t work.  We’re just a little too different.”  That would have been AWESOME!  I’d have even accepted “Hey, I didn’t want to just leave you hanging and not call at all.  But I had gone out with another woman a couple times before we met and I think that whole thing is really going somewhere.”  Even if it was bullshit!  We’re all adults here.  At least adult enough to have a credit card to pay for the membership fees.  So why can’t we just be grown-ups and tell it like it is?  What part of the rules state that it’s better to lie and then just not call?  Oh that’s right!  These rules aren’t actually concrete, and everyone’s set is different.

And beware if you attempt to break the rules!  That’s what’s really odd here…  even though following the rules varies for all, somehow breaking  the rules is universal.  You break the rules, you lose.  I went rogue a few weeks ago myself.  What can I say?  I like to live dangerously!  Rather than waiting for Chris 34 Sanford to call me after our first date to set up the second, I threw caution to the wind and sent him a text.  I felt like such a rebel!  What a rush!  It was akin to taking a cookie from the Publix bakery without paying for it, leaving the office 15 minutes early and not telling the boss, toilet papering the Senior class president’s house as a Junior!  I said to myself,  “You know what? I’m a woman of the new millennium!  I don’t need to WAIT for these men.  I can take control of the situation!”  Or maybe not…  Sure, Chris 34 Sanford texts back.  He was even nice, asked how I was doing.  I told him I’d definitely be interested in meeting up again if he was, to which he responded “Sounds good!  I’m not sure what next week looks like yet, but I’ll keep you posted on my schedule, and we can link up!”  And again, nada.  Really dude?  It would have been more respectable to just not respond to the initial text at all. 

Do I wish we lived in a world without the games?  Maybe.  I know, I know!  I just spent a number of lengthy paragraphs bitching about them.  And I stand by that whining, I do!  But there is a little (TINY) something to be said for the thrill of the hunt.  Or at least there was, before I saw courtship as a competitive sport. The back and forth can be both exciting and annoying all at the same time.  Do I like him more than he likes me?  Does he like me more than I like him?  Which is better?!  The fact of the matter is, it’s a game that demands to be played.  And unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be any method of training for this one.  No amount of practice can make you better at it… even if you think you’re quite the “player”.  Everybody is different, the human factor changes the game each and every time.  So if at first you don’t succeed, try try again!  How’s that for an old adage?

Committed Relationship? Or Just Plain Committed?

So I’ve reached the conclusion that one of two things is going to result from all of this “dating”.  I’m either going to end up meeting the man of my dreams, marry him, have beautiful children and live happily ever after, OR…  I will slowly lose my mind and end up in a straight jacket in a little white room with padded walls reciting Shakespearean poems to myself and professing my love to non-existent birds who I think are flying above me.  Dating is maddening!!!  I had only been exposed to this kind of frustration in small doses before, as I’ve honestly never dated more than one person at a time.  Essentially, I’d be single for awhile, then meet someone, then end up in a 2 year relationship with them.  I think I can remember all of 2 first dates EVER that didn’t turn into a second date, and in turn, a long term thing.  This whole eHarmony situation has essentially turned everything I knew on its side.  God bless all of my friends (you all know who you are!) who are forced to sit and listen to my rants and attempt to talk me off the ledge.  I have no problem admitting I am completely ridiculous when it comes to this dating stuff.  How can you not be?  But I do know people in real life who are able to accomplish this task without sacrificing sanity.  Of this, I’m extremely jealous.
  
I think the hardest pill for me to swallow is all of the waiting.  I am a naturally impatient person.  The waiting begins with the whole eHarmony process.  I’m waiting to see if the next communication has come though, waiting to see what they said.  Waiting for Guffman, Waiting for Godot, and most poignantly, Waiting to Exhale.  Then comes the part where phone numbers are actually exchanged.  Oooooh!!!  But as good of a sign as that may be, it just results in MORE waiting.  Waiting for him to call or text for the first time, then once he does, waiting for idle chit chat to turn into “So would you like to have dinner?”  And of course there’s the waiting between texts…  The texting is a conundrum in and of itself.  I suppose it’s just the way my generation communicates, but it’s like men are allergic to talking on the phone.  They will text and text and text, about everything under the sun, but can’t hold a phone conversation for longer than about 4 minutes 45 seconds.  It’s not like they can’t hold a conversation at all.  The ones I’ve had face to face time with are perfectly conversational in person.  But the whole act of holding a phone up to one’s ear and speaking into it seems to be terribly problematic.  Now, in all honesty, I’m all about texting.  It allows me to multi-task.  I can watch TV, check emails, shop, put on makeup, use the bathroom, and complete various household chores and all the while hold a witty, fascinating conversation via text.  But every once in a while, it does get old.  Especially after a text conversation that’s been going on for close to 3 hours.  I will give some credit to Alan, 34, Lake Mary.  At least he sent a text that said “I’ll give you a call in a few so I can ask you to dinner.  I wouldn’t want to ask you out over text, that would be a douche move for sure!”  I wonder if I’m going to end up needing a new cell phone earlier than I normally would because I’m likely to wear this one from the constant “checking”.  And how much time am I wasting with all of this phone checking?  If I were to add up the minutes spent refreshing email, checking for texts, watching the phone for a blinking light notification of some sort, would it be hours? I probably could have spent those hours being productive.  I’d probably be 15 lbs thinner if I spent those hours on the treadmill.  I tell myself, “Megan, the light isn’t blinking.  If there were a new text, a missed call, or an email, the light would blink.”  Yet I have to pick it up, press the tiny button at the top to wake it up, then slide the ‘screen locked’ message down so it opens to the home screen.  The unlocking of the screen is actually even excessive.  By waking the phone up I can see the notification icons in the upper left hand corner.  If there isn’t a little chat bubble, or an envelope, or a red phone I’m not missing anything.  But no!  I can’t trust the phone!  The phone may be trying to deceive me.  Because it obviously has a mind of its own, intelligent thought and free will, and the ability to be just as conniving as a human.  I’m sure it’s in cahoots with the DVR, working out an evil plot for my eventual demise.  See what I mean?  Nurse Ratched, is it time for group yet?

Why can’t dating be like it is on TV?  I know, I know… the last blog was all about how I want my life to be like a movie, and now I’m wishing it were like TV.  But the TV is on right now and Sanders just went on a date on CSI.  It’s like they are just handing me this material!  So he met a chick in the lab, got her number, called her that night and took her out for drinks.  Minus the time spent between dirty martinis one and two, no waiting!  How awesome is that??  And the next day he tells Stokes all about how beautiful and smart she is.  Do you think that Ryan, 36, Orlando went back to the office after we met for lunch at Brio and told all of his coworkers how beautiful and smart I was?  Maybe not, seeing as a piece of farfalle sort of fell off of my fork right as I was trying to put it in my mouth and maybe landed on my boob.  Sexy, right?  Oh yeah, that’s just how I roll. I can tell you what I know did happen though.  His psycho ex-girlfriend managed to access his cell phone records and started questioning who this new number belonged to and why there were so many calls and texts associated with it.  So I get a text from him explaining this, telling me not to answer any phone calls from a specific number (he typed out her number), and to call him when I could so he could give me the whole rundown.  Yeah… I had to catch a plane that afternoon and conveniently just couldn’t find a spare moment to call.  There just wasn’t enough time between waiting in the 30 minute security line, sitting by the gate for 20 minutes before boarding, waiting for my luggage in Cincinnati...  Wait a sec, I had tons of time!  There was just a snowball’s chance in hell of me calling him again!  Like I need EXTRA crazy!  I’ve got enough of that on my own, thank you very much!  And the icing on the cake…  are you ready for this?  That wasn’t the last of the whole situation.  I’m having a lovely day at my friends’ house the Saturday after this ridiculous debacle, sipping mimosas poolside, when I get a text from a number I don’t recognize.  Don’t recognize until I read the text, anyway.  Oh yes, you guessed it!  The ex-girlfriend!  I erased the dumb thing, but it was something along the lines of “Ryan told me that you’d be calling me, but I wanted to tell you there’s really no need.”  Uh, excuse me?  I had no intentions of ever calling HIM again, let alone YOU.  “He can’t tell the truth to either one of us.  He’s a liar and will destroy your life.  Turn and run now, as fast as you can.”  Insert crazy ‘Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!’ music from the shower scene in Psycho here.  Who knows, maybe she was actually his current girlfriend and he was running around on her using eHarmony.  He did end up having a really annoying, high pitched, almost chipmunk-esque voice.  Maybe meeting mistresses in person just wasn’t working out for him.  So really, can you blame me for going a little nuts?  It’s pretty much a guaranteed side effect of dating!   

I probably shouldn’t blame my psychosis just on the men… or the diabolical cell phone.  I will always give credit where credit’s due, and I have to give myself some here.  I do a fantastic job of driving myself crazy.  Let’s take the whole John, 31, Oviedo situation for example.  John sends me one of those Icebreaker thingies.  I think he’s pretty cute, and his profile is well written (Grammar, people!!  It’s BIG!), and he happens to like Workaholics­ – which is one of the funniest shows on TV right now.  So I respond and we start the whole process of ‘Guided Communication’.  After a few days, we reach Stage 4 – the email phase.  He’s seemingly perfect over email!  He states that he thinks I’m (and I quote) “extremely attractive”, and talks about how he was raised by his mom and sister so he has essentially been bred to be respectful of women and very chivalrous.  This guy even offered to iron for me, as I stated I despise ironing, and detail my car.  Really?  Let’s just skip the dating and get married now!  So in classic Megan fashion, I’m hooked before we even meet.  After about a week of more emails wherein he tells me he enjoys the theatre and just saw the touring Cirque Du Soleil show, is generally the clean cut and well kept guy in his group of friends, and loves dogs, we exchange numbers.  He tells me in an email that he’ll definitely give me a call soon and that he’s very excited to hear the sound of my voice.  “I have to say, I kinda like you already and we haven’t even met!”   he writes.  Now I can’t hear (or read, in this case) something like that and not go a little loony with excitement.  So let the phone checking commence!  The weekend passes, no call.  So I write a quick little email on Monday that says “Hey, hope you had a good weekend!  Sorry it was so rainy and you didn’t get to golf, that stinks!  Just wanted to drop you a quick line, as I’m sure we’ll chat soon enough.  I’ll forego the lengthy email. :-)”  So I get a response stating work has been absolutely nuts, but would I like to grab a bite over the weekend?  Then something vague about calling as soon as he gets a break from the madness at the office.  Yeah, madness at the office…  how about the madness I’m experiencing on my couch because you’re keeping me in limbo, dude!  Well I finally get a break from my personal mental break-down (or should I say, Erin finally gets a break from me calling her and whining, re-reading her every bit of written correspondence asking her to analyze each email for spots where I may have gone wrong) when he calls and makes plans for the upcoming Saturday.  PHEW!  So let’s fast forward to ‘The Date’…  Suffice it to say, it was weird.  Um, excuse me, what happened to the guy that wanted to iron for me?  Couldn’t wait to hear the sound of my voice?  The guy I was having dinner with was tough, sarcastic.  I’m cool with sarcastic, believe me.  Even though I’m NEVER sarcastic myself.  Nope, never.  But it’s like this person was completely different than the one I was exchanging sweet, sensitive emails with.  Half the conversation that evening consisted of “Well yeah, but all you women are crazy.”  Granted, I’m writing an entire blog about how I’m not quite right, but he didn’t know that!  And even if we are all crazy, you’re not supposed to tell us to our face on a first date!  That might just guarantee that the first date is your last date!  So one would think that after dinner I’d be pretty much done and ready to write this one off…  but nooooooo!  Give me more of your confusing, not-very-chivalrous behavior, John!  Pretty please!  And then, of course, I spent the next three days reliving the evening to anyone who would listen to get their thoughts on whether or not he’d call again.  I’d like to go ahead and take this opportunity to publicly apologize to the poor woman at the MAC counter at Macy’s who had the unfortunate luck of working the day I needed new mascara.  I know you were just doing your job, asking me how I was doing.  You didn’t expect to unwittingly get sucked into my world of delusional dating distress.  I really did appreciate your considerate nods and smiles!

So if any of you are gamblers, I’d get an over/under started on whether or not I find ‘him’ before they cart me away.  Right now, I’d say the odds are pretty even!  But then again, I did just extend the eHarmony membership for another 6 months…  At the very least I figure I’ll provide some entertainment on my quest for true love!  So even if I turn into ‘Girl, Interrupted’, I’ll leave behind some smiles and laughter.  As I’m sure you’ve gathered thus far, no luck in this quest as of yet.  But in all seriousness, I’ve met some decent guys too.  Apparently we just weren’t meant to be, and that’s fine.  I had some great dinners, and great conversation! They just aren’t as fun to write about. :-)

Why Can't My Life Be Like a Romantic Comedy???

So apparently I’m in this weird “phase” right now where I continually decide on torturing myself by watching ridiculous romantic comedies.  I woke up a little too early for my liking on a Sunday morning and started flipping channels.  I stopped on “The Back Up Plan”.  Seriously???  “The Back Up Plan”?  Oh yeah.  I just sat on my couch for two hours and watched a fairly poorly written Jennifer Lopez movie, wherein her character decides to get artificially inseminated and then meets the man of her dreams on the same day.  Oh and he makes cheese for a living.  I actually even paused it so I could get up and make myself a cup of coffee, that’s how captivated I was.  And here’s the worst part…  (if you’re dying to see this flick and haven’t – Spolier Alert) so at the very end, the cheese maker proposes to her and presents her with a beautiful diamond ring, the test-tube twins in tow in their custom made stroller.  And what did I do upon seeing this adorable display of his dedication to her and the children that weren’t genetically his?  Oh you guessed it!  I bawled like a baby who just had their favorite paci taken away.  And when that passed, I’m pretty sure I cried some more, because I just cried at “The Back Up Plan”.  Now generally, I follow patterns when I’m single.  Right after a break-up, I live it up and go out all the time, enjoying my newfound single-dom.  After that gets old (and expensive) I spend more time at the gym, and at home watching my Sex and the City DVDs.  I start at Season 1 and usually make it through Season 4 before some guy enters my life and perks my interest.  However this bout has taken a new and unexpected path with this whole romantic comedy thing.  I think the weirdest thing about it is that I’m subconsciously wishing my life my would turn into one of these movies.  Now I don’t necessarily want to shop sperm banks and get pregnant in hopes of finding my ideal mate.  But then again, I don’t live in New York City either and all of these movies seem to have something to do with NYC cabs, Central Park, 3 story walkups.  So maybe geography is keeping me from my version of Alex O’Laughlin or Jason Bateman?

So why can’t my life be like a romantic comedy?  I’m sure you’re saying, ‘Well duh.  Because nobody’s life is like a movie.”  But you know what?  I do know people who ended up with that “romantic comedy” plot-in real life!  Let’s take a very close friend of mine, we’ll call her Jane.  Now Jane had never quite had the luckiest of love lives.  She’d get down, and lonely, and depressed, waiting for her Prince Charming to come and sweep her off her feet.  And the comedic part of it all would come from the situations we’d get ourselves into after one too many cocktails.  Bless her heart, but Jane would lose it and cry her eyes out walking drunk down Church St.  It sounds bad, but believe me, had you been there you probably would have found it comedic too.  Although that could have been the point of view of another drunk person… Hmmmm…  Anyways, Jane’s Prince Charming did eventually show up!  Or show back up, I should say.  Jane reconnected with a long lost friend from middle school after 22 years.  Way to GO, Google searches! (This was before the dawn of Facebook)  They met up and saw each other for the first time in all those years here in Orlando one night, and the rest is history!  I witnessed it all first hand…  okay so I maybe not first hand, but I did go over to Jane’s house before she left to meet him so I could hook her up with my 5-minute makeover.  That included - free of charge - hair, makeup, wardrobe advice, and me throwing condoms at her screaming “Just put them in your purse!!!  There’s no harm in having them!  It’s not like you HAVE to use them!  But I’m pretty sure you will!”  I mean c’mon, this was like 22 years of foreplay coming to a head.  I won’t splash all of Jane’s secrets all over the internet, but let’s just say ‘If ya see an SUV a-rockin next to a Chick-Fil-A dumpster down on Sand Lake Rd., don’t come a-knockin’!  After that night it just took a couple of months before he moved 2000 miles away from his home, basically uprooted life as he knew it, all to sweep Jane off her feet.  True story!  I’m telling you, it really happened here.  Not just to a friend of a friend, or this woman that my one friend knew through another woman she had met at work.  I witnessed the whole thing happen before my eyes (well, after the whole Chick-Fil-A part anyway).  They’re getting married now, I’m a bridesmaid, for Christ’s sake!  Everything has worked out beautifully – just like the movies!

So if I’m living a good life, generally being a good person, and contributing positive things to society, where’s my Prince Charming?  Where’s my romantic comedy plot?  I don’t think I’m asking for much.  Just a tall, handsome, successful man.  He can be tall and dark, or tall and blonde, I’m not picky.  Do I need to go run a flower shop, where I can meet him in the hotel lobby where he’s staying on a business trip and I’m the contracted florist who handles the hotel’s floral arrangements?  Or should I start an email relationship with a man who is, unbeknownst to me, actually my nemesis, but he charms me with his words to the point that I end up being able to look past the fact that his company ruined my quaint and unique bookstore, and we live happily ever after?  Or maybe I have to wait until I’ve been a bridesmaid 16 more times, then an adorable man will swoop in and finally make me a bride.  I have an extremely active imagination, that should get me something, right?  Every crush I’ve ever had has been my future husband and father of my children in my fantasies before we’ve ever even gone on a date.  In fact, in most real life scenarios, the date never actually happens!  But I have to think that for all of the fantastic situations I’ve put these men in, fate would have to grant me ONE in the real world, right?  It doesn’t even have to be as fantastic as the movies are.  Shit, at this point, I’d take “Hey, would you like to have coffee sometime?” But of course, it would need to blossom into 3 hours on the patio of Starbucks while we gaze longingly into each other’s eyes, sipping our macchiatos and discussing our deepest fears and desires, all contributing to the mutual conclusion that we were meant to be together.  Now that can’t be all that hard to bring to reality, can it?  Oh, and he also needs to be that guy that I saw and immediately felt butterflies in my stomach over.  Not the ‘Eh, he’s okay.  I’ll give it a shot so I at least feel like I’m putting myself out there’ guy.  That wouldn’t make a very good movie.

I suppose until “he” knocks on my door with a bouquet of flowers, after I’ve been crying over being lonely, while Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream plays in the background, I’ll just have to be content with the life I have now.  We’ll see how long this little phase lasts.  I’m well on my way to building up a serious list of such fantastic films as “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”, “Failure to Launch”, “Sweet Home Alabama”, and “Life as We Know It” (Don’t worry, I hadn’t heard of it either.  Katherine Heigl and Fergie’s husband Josh something or other are forced to become mutual guardians of their friends’ baby.  Must not have done very well at the box office).  But don’t think for a minute that I’ll stop planning my dream wedding with the most recent man of interest.  The way I imagine it, he’s going to fall for me any day now and plan a creative, extravagant way to show me.  It’ll probably involve a scavenger hunt, or a jumbotron at a major sporting event…  At least I’m getting a ton of bridal gown ideas watching all these movies!  The one George Clooney’s sister had in “Up in the Air” was pretty lame, definitely not going to go with a shrug of any kind.

Gentlemen, a few profile pointers for you...

I recently went through a new bout of extra eHarmony profile activity!  As I’ve stated previously, this thing has its ups and downs.  But last week I got at least 8 new matches a day for 2 days in a row!  The only kicker was that there were only 2 viable prospects in the bunch.  The rest unfortunately got archived immediately.  But this was a tragedy that could have been avoided!  Gentlemen, gentlemen!  Many of you are making some significant errors in your profile creation.  So I thought I’d take this opportunity to enlighten you, the reader, with some of these blunders.  Well that, and I haven’t been on any more dates yet, so I can’t give you real life updates on my progress.  I’m workin’ on it, okay!  Now I fully admit that I have NO idea what the heck I’M doing with my profile.  If I figure it out, trust me, I will pass it on.  But until then, I’m pretty much winging it to see what happens.  But I think I can speak to what I find appealing in the profiles of my matches!  So gentlemen, this one’s for you…

Gross Offense #1 – “Chillin”-   Okay guys, here’s the deal – if you honestly put that one of the things you are most passionate about is “Chillin”, you’re getting archived immediately.  Really???  There are people out there who say that they are most passionate about providing a good life for their family, donating their time to those less fortunate, being the most successful person they can be throughout their life… and you’re the most passionate you can possibly be about “Chillin”?  Let me explain how this translates.  Any woman worth having reads this and thinks to herself, “Wow.  This dude has got to be either ridiculously lazy, completely unmotivated, or just really dumb.”  And as crazy as this may sound to you right now…  we don’t want any of that!  We want a man who is motivated, ambitious and successful!  I’m okay with chillin at appropriate times.  But it’s just not a good sign when that’s all you can think of to be ‘most passionate’ about.

Gross Offense #2 – The picture you took of yourself in the mirror with your cell phone - C’mon man.  You HAVE to be able to do better than that.  You don’t have a buddy you can call to come by and snap a couple of pics?  You must have a female friend who’d be willing to assist in your online search to find true love!  I forbid my 17 year old sister from even posting one of those on her Facebook page.  Especially since 9 times out of 10, you’re in your bathroom.  I hate to break it to you, but the towel rack with your half-wet navy blue towel doesn’t make for the best backdrop.  The other problem is that you’re looking at your phone with this goofy smile, instead of looking at the mirror.  So we can’t see your face!  It’s kind of like that rebuttal to the State of the Union speech that Michelle Bachmann gave where she was looking at anything but the camera.  It’s just awkward and weird.  So bottom line, get the cell phone out of the bathroom and use it to phone a friend to come over with a Canon Sure Shot,  It will be well worth it, trust me.

Gross Offense #3 – You “Nudge” Me-  Alright, so this one is a little different, as it doesn’t have anything to do with the profile, but I feel that it’s important to cover.  So there was a guy who had sent me his ‘5 Questions’, to which I responded, and in turn, sent him my ‘5 Questions’.  He answered those and then sent me his ‘Must Haves/Can’t Stands’.  When I read them, I realized “You know what?  That’s just not me.  If these are the things he MUST HAVE, and I don’t feel like I have those, then there’s no point in continuing this conversation.”  That’s one of the coolest things about the whole process.  If at any time either party feels that there are some fundamental differences that would keep a relationship from working, you can just stop the conversation and stop responding.  Well this guy apparently did not take kindly to my lack of response to his ‘Must Haves/Can’t Stands’.  So after 6 days of no response, he “nudges” me.  My first reaction was “WTF is a Nudge?!”  Upon further investigation, I find that it is someone’s attempt at getting you to respond to them if they haven’t heard from you.  Um… I don’t want to respond to you!  Don’t bug me about it!  That’s not putting you in a better position at all.  That’s like the eHarmony version of stalking!  One word for you “nudgers” – Creepy.

Gross Offense #4 – You can’t even capitalize your own name-  Let me get this straight, your own name isn’t a proper noun?  I know I’ve already stated how a poorly worded profile with misspellings and grammatical errors is definitely on the chopping block.  But I at least read those and looked at the pictures.  If you can’t capitalize your own NAME, we’ve obviously got a serious problem here.  I sincerely doubt that you are legendary poet ee cummings, therefore your name really ought to be typed out correctly according to the rules of proper English.  My real favorites are the ones who fail to capitalize both their name AND the city they live in.  Dear ‘andy, 34 longwood’, I wish you the best.

Gross Offense #5 – ‘Drinks: Never’-  Okay, so maybe I can’t speak for all women on this one.  But yeah…  No-Go.  Please reference previous blogs for my take on adult beverages.  If you’re pressed for time, let me brief you – They are yummy.  ‘Nuff said.

Gross Offense #6 – Your favorite movie is ‘The Notebook’-  Ask a sampling of 10 women how they feel about Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling’s cry-fest and I have no doubt that at least 8 of them will gush about how great it was and how they sobbed throughout.  And that’s acceptable…  because we’re CHICKS!  But we don’t want our men to cry along with us while we watch ‘The Notebook’!  Sure, women might complain about wanting their man to be more sensitive, wishing that he’d sit down and watch a romantic tragedy with them.  But deep down, we really want you to be masculine and complain incessantly when we ask you to do things like that.  Maybe you thought we’d swoon and think “Awwww!  That’s so sweet.  He likes ‘The Notebook’.  I bet he’s sensitive and understanding and caters to a woman’s needs!”  Here’s the kicker though – we’re not thinking that.  Here’s what we are thinking – “Wow!  This guy is a huge douche.  I’d worry about my welfare if we were walking down the street and got approached by a mugger.  I may have to defend us both in a situation like that.”  We don’t want to have to do that, guys.  We want a knight in shining armor who would take a knife in the ribs for us so we could escape safely with our latest Coach bag and matching wallet.

Now I don’t want to be totally negative here!  There are some great things that you CAN do in order to keep us ladies from instantly discounting you and sending you to the archive pile.  If you can pull off wit and humor in your profile, score!  That might even get a gal like me to send you the infamous ‘Icebreaker’.  One of the good ones I’m talking to right now said in the section titled Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you, “I have a full head of hair, but I shave it for the style effect….Yeah…that’s why I do it.”  Now that’s funny!  Also, if we can tell from your pics that you have a sense of style and care about your appearance, this is also a good sign.  I answered someone’s ‘5 Questions’ solely because he was rocking a bowtie and made it look sexy.  What can I say?  It’s hard to pass up a well dressed man!

I understand that I can’t speak for all women, and I’m not necessarily trying to do so.  But I’d like to think of myself as somewhat of a catch…  maybe a little… kinda, sorta… and I definitely associate myself with some FANTASTIC women who I KNOW are catches.  I think we’d all agree the above are some definite turn-offs.  And I’m hoping for everyone’s success in the wide world of online romance!  So if I can assist in any way, it is my pleasure to do so.  Best of luck, boys!  Stay tuned all, I should have some interesting “live date” updates for everyone soon! 

The eMotional Rollercoaster

I wonder if they designed this whole eHarmony experience to be a series of ups and downs, set up to toy with your emotions in order to keep you hooked and keep you paying.  When I really think about it, it’s actually kind of ingenious.  It’s sort of like the experiences gained from a real relationship!  Since I set out to write this blog in order to give you some insight into how this whole online dating thing works, let me explain the eHarmony process…  So the minute you hit “Finished” after filling out the intensely introspective and time consuming questionnaire, you are immediately sent like 7 or 8 matches.  So you’re thinking to yourself “Whoa!  That’s fantastic!  Of course I’m going to give them my money!  They have OBVIOUSLY cornered the market on sophisticated and tech-savvy match making.  AND my Mr. Right has to be on here if there are already 8 compatible people right here in my specified geographical parameters!”  So I immediately grabbed my wallet and input my credit card number.  I was still slightly cautions though, my skepticism kept my membership to the initial 3 month period, but I have no doubt that there are many who dive head first into the 12 month option.  I mean, it does save you about $12 a month.  And I can’t fault those users, as a good friend said to me when I told her about my new method of meeting men, “Megan.  You can’t put a price tag on true love!”  Granted, she was being extremely sarcastic, possibly even mocking, but it was damn adorable all the same.  So you get these initial 8 matches, right?  Then every day for 3 weeks, you get 7 or 8 more.  How on earth have I been wandering the streets of the Orlando metropolitan area for 11 years now and have yet to find 8 viable men to even have dinner with, when there are apparently 8 per DAY x 3 weeks that are compatible with me on 23 different levels?  8 per day, times 21 days, equals 168 prospects!  And here I thought that maybe “He” wasn’t in Orlando, that maybe I was going to have to move to a more populous city to find myself a husband.  But nope!  He’s got to be here!  There are 168 prospects, how can ONE of them not be THE one?  Okay, now I suppose I should take out the 50 or so ‘flex matches’.  Although I haven’t been given a specific, quantified explanation of what a ‘flex match’ is, I’m going to assume that maybe they’re only compatible with me on 17 levels.  Yeah, we’ll just go with that.  But that still leaves well over 100 prospects.  So the future is bright!!!  Or so one would think…

So day 22 hits, I wake up and check my phone (as has become my habit over the last 3 weeks) and something is different.  Why don’t I have 7 variations of the eHarmony “Find out more about your new match _______”?  I had grown quite accustomed to my morning ritual, and now it was being taken away from me.  Those who know me (and live persons at eHarmony who may have actually read my questionnaire responses) know I’m a creature of habit.  Any alteration in my morning routine can result in me forgetting to brush my teeth or apply deodorant.  So although this morning gmail check was a new addition, it was sorely missed!  But I thought to myself, “You know, it was bound to slow down a bit.  It was almost ridiculous to receive that many matches anyway.”  And on the bright side, I could actually focus on other things for once.  The eHarmonizing had almost turned into a second job.  There was the constant checking of the phone to see if new emails had come in, the time spent on the eHarmony app for Android, the lunch breaks used to eat my desk and respond to ‘Must Haves and Can’t Stands’.  Wow, putting it in writing really makes me sound pathetic…  But in my own defense, they hook you!  It’s like romantic crack and they are the pusher man or something.  It’s like a virtual version of waiting for a phone call from a real man, but instead you’re waiting to get that notification email that says ‘eHarmony Communication Received!’  Come to think of it, it’s actually worse…  instead of waiting to hear from one guy, you’re waiting to hear from like 10.  Although I love the challenge involved in trying to juggle 10 different dudes (hey man, even though it’s just online, it’s like juggling-you have to remember who is who), it can start to get exhausting.  See?  Like I said, it’s these ups and downs!  “Whoo hoo!  More communication received!”  Then comes the “Wow, it’s 1:17am and I’m still online, I need SLEEP.”  So I tried to think of the slow down in daily activity as a good thing.  “Tried” being the operative word there.

So there’s the emotional rollercoaster that the site itself takes you on, and then there’s the one its subscribers takes you on.  They are different, mind you.  But equally as crazy.  Being a resident of the largest tourist trap in the country, I’ll compare it to Space Mountain at Disney’s Magic Kingdom vs. The Hulk at Universal’s Islands of Adventure.  One keeps you in the dark and is old and shaky, albeit tried and true.  The other catapults you right off the bat into the sunlight at 55 mph.  Space Mountain is of course the actual men.  The whole ‘keeping you in the dark’, ‘shaky’ reference…  C’mon ladies, I know you’re with me!  This ride generally begins with this whole Guided Communication thing.  Technically you can start with what they call an ‘Icebreaker’, but that seems to be a little more timid.  Almost like sending a friend in to feel out the whole situation and see if it’s safe.  Not that I haven’t been a chicken shit and thrown a couple icebreakers at guys to test the waters, because I totally have.  Actually, I think my success rate at that one is only about 20%.  But I digress.  So there are 4 stages to this Guided Communication, they are as follows:

1)   5 Questions – You send someone 5 multiple choice questions (or they send them to you) from a list of 30 or so that eHarmony has no doubt carefully crafted.  Once the receiver answers, they then send their own 5 questions back.

2)   Must Haves/Can’t Stands – At some point during the initial filling out of the questionnaire, you choose 10 things that you “Must Have” in a relationship partner, and 10 things that you “Can’t Stand”.  I’m a little fuzzy on when exactly I chose these things, as like I stated previously, there were cocktails involved in that questionnaire experience.  But at least they give you an opportunity to change them.  So assuming you aren’t revolted by the responses you’ve gotten to the initial 5 questions, you exchange these Must Haves/Can’t Stands.

3)   3 Questions – If the multiple choice responses to the first questions are acceptable, and you feel like you align with the other person’s Must Haves/Can’t Stands, then you move onto the 3 open-ended questions.  Again, from a list that eHarmony gives you, OR you can create your own.  These open ended questions give you the opportunity to respond free-form, in your own words.

4)   eHarmony Mail – If the other 3 stages seem to have produced desirable results, then Congratulations!  You have made it to the fourth and final stage of Guided Communication-email.  Here’s where the rubber meets the road.  Can this person actually hold a conversation, in writing?

I’d generally be against something like Guided Communication, as it doesn’t force you to think for yourself as much as one probably should.  But I was essentially flying blind, so I appreciated the road map.  The problem here lies in the waiting for a response. 

Example #1 – Paul, 35, Winter Springs sends me 5 questions.  I check out the profile, he’s pretty cute!  What a great ego boost!  Cute guy wants to chat!  And at first glance, he seems to be at least intelligent enough to warrant a response.  So I answer his 5 questions, and send him mine.  So I’m kinda excited here!  He must find me attractive enough to want to strike up a conversation, or something on my ­profile told him we might have enough in common to at least start the whole “getting to know you better” process!  But then… nothing.  No response.  Zip, zilch, nada.  What happened?!  Did I say something wrong?  Technically, I didn’t even say anything.  I answered B, then C, then D, then A, then C again.  There was no actual speaking involved, how could I have said something wrong?  Is it because I answered that I’d prefer to vacation at an all inclusive resort in Hawaii as opposed to camping in Montana?

Example #2 – Jeffrey, 29, Maitland and I seem to be getting along swimmingly, we’ve made it all the way through stage 3 in just a week!  Obviously I can’t send him a response to something the same day he sends it to me, I wouldn’t want to look desperate, of course.  Have to keep them on the edge of their seats, right?  Play it cool, Meg, play it cool.  So I dig his responses to my 3 questions, he seems to have put a fair amount of thought into them, which is great!  And I put together my most honest, yet witty and fabulous responses to his 3 questions, thoughtfully taking into account a couple of key items on his profile which caught my eye – ideally showing my interest and insightfulness.  But then…  you guessed it!  Nothing.  No response, no Stage 4.  This one seemed so promising!  He said one of the things he likes to do on a day off is check out the food trucks at Lake Lily!  I LOVE the food trucks at Lake Lily!  We could have totally done that together!  Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

So as you can see, it’s a constant guessing game, and a series of highs and lows.  No, I’m not really going to cry at the lack of someone’s  response to my icebreaker, or the fact that Steve, 36, Orlando hasn’t sent me his 3 questions – even though he had killer blue eyes and dimples for days, and his occupation was listed as “Physician”.  I recognize that I’m not for everyone.  In all reality, it’s actually pretty neat to be able to nix the duds before actually having to spend an awkward evening with them as they wax poetically about their deep love of science fiction television shows and life long goal of learning to speak Klingon.  The Guided Communication isn’t generally that obvious, but it does allow for, in many instances, enough insight to determine if someone just isn’t going to be a good fit.  I suppose it takes a little more investigation to determine if someone is actually a good fit, but at least this provides some process of elimination.  And as hopeless a romantic as I may be, I’m a realist.  I understand that just as art imitates life, online dating imitates the face to face version… at least in these initial stages.  There is just as much a chance of meeting someone and giving them your phone number, waiting by the phone for 4 days in anxious anticipation, calling your service provider just to make sure that there isn’t anything wrong with the cell towers in your area only to never ever get a call, as there is in responding to someone’s 5 Questions only to never have them respond to yours.  Thank God I’m a fairly well adjusted person who has gone into this whole thing with a clear head and a reasonable attitude… for now anyway.  Now if/when I actually start really dating someone of interest, and the rollercoaster turns into more of a Dueling Dragons, fire vs. ice scenario (that’s another one at the Universal theme park here in Orlando), there’s really no telling.  You think the whole thing is amusing now, when it all just exists in cyber space?  Oh, just wait until it starts getting real – that’s when the neurosis is bound to come out!

The eHarmony Experiment

About three weeks ago, I thought to myself “Shit.  I’m bored.”  I’ve been single for almost 9 months now, and it took awhile for me to really get bored.  I hadn’t really been all that intent on dating.  I was fine with my travels for work, spending time with friends, and just relaxing at home on the couch, catching up on my DVR.  But then it hit…  and by “it” I mean loneliness.   I’m crazy busy!  How on earth could I be bored?!?!  I realized that the boredom stemmed from being lonely.  Nobody to come home to, nobody to call and talk about the people at work who drive me crazy, nobody who expected to hear from me when I was out of town.  So being a generally positive person, I decided rather than mope about it, I needed to do something about it!  So I joined eHarmony.

The experience thus far has been nothing short of hilarious, so I decided to share my stories with the world and blog about it.  So congratulations to YOU, as you are now taking part in popping my blogger cherry, so to speak.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t see the whole eHarmony thing as a joke.  I’m actually taking it quite seriously, I promise!  But there has been far too much comedy in the whole thing, and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to share.  Far be it from me to hog all the hilarity for myself.  I’m a giver, what can I say?

Let me start with the whole “questionnaire”.  Now when I see Dr. Neil Clark Warren, (that gray haired dude on the commercials) talk about the 23 levels of compatibility, I assume he’s referring to some scientific way they take the answers to the 157 million questions I had to answer to set up my profile, and match me with others who may have responded similarly.  The whole set-up process took about 4 hours.  Granted, a girlfriend of mine and I were doing it together, and drinking cosmos, so we may have taken a couple of cocktail breaks.  This could have extended the time, but I’m not kidding when I tell you – this thing was EXTENSIVE.  I swear we went though at least 8 pages of questions, with about 30+ questions per page.  And this was the kind of stuff that really made you think!  The point was to be as honest as possible, right?  No use in lying on your eHarmony profile questionnaire, that would just result in matches that weren’t really right for you!  So my cohort in romantic endeavors and I bounced responses off of each other.  This could be considered both good and bad.  Luckily I was open to the whole process, otherwise I may have been offended by “Um, generous towards others?  You might want to put ‘Almost Never’ for that one.”  It was definitely a learning experience, both in how I see myself, and how one of my best friends sees me.  But throughout, we laughed our asses off.  The entire situation was just so funny!  Here we were, two intelligent, successful, I’d like to think fairly attractive women, embarking upon a journey into the wild world of internet dating.  In a situation like that, you’re torn between “I’m a normal person, and I’m doing this!  There have to be other normal people on there!  I’m going to find love, dammit!!!” and “Holy crap, am I the biggest loser I know?  Jesus, this stuff is expensive.”  But logic and reason prevailed.  Internet dating is almost the norm these days.  We are busy people!  Who wants to start dating someone they met in a bar?  They could be a serial killer, or even WORSE -  a total douche bag!  And apparently all of the great guys my friends are with run with losers who they’d feel just awful about hooking me up with.  So eHarmony it is! 

Once you have spent 3-4 hours answering Dr. Neil Clark Warren’s questions, and in turn questioning your entire existence, you are immediately sent 8 matches.  They suck you right in!  I definitely remember thinking in excitement “Wow!  This stuff must really work!  I’m bound to find ‘the one’ on here!”  But hindsight being 20/20, that sentiment was probably caused by the 4 cosmos.  Either way, I was hooked.  I have to admit, even though I knew nothing about these people besides what they chose to share on their profiles, I was excited about the prospect that one of them might possibly be the man I’ve been waiting for, my knight in shining armor, the future father of my children!  My gal pal and I immediately began to discuss and compare… and crack the hell up.  I made some immediate rules about who I was willing to talk to.  Rule #1-if you don’t have a picture, I am forced to immediately archive you.  Buh bye.  That’s just weird!  How can you even expect people to talk to you if you’re not willing to show them what you look like??  Now you might say, “Well it’s not about looks.  It’s about finding a deep, spiritual connection, Megan.  It’s about learning so much about someone that you’re attracted to who they are as a person and you fall in love with them regardless of what they look like.”  But really… I call bullshit.  C’mon now!  I know we all want to think we’re more advanced than that, that we’re not superficial, but let’s not fool ourselves.  If you’re not physically attracted to someone, they could be the coolest person in the world, but they will forever live in the friend zone.  I have a ton of amazing friends, and I do not need to fork over $45 a month to make more.  Those dues are reserved for finding a mate.  Rule #2- if your profile is a hot mess of grammatical errors and poor writing, again, you will be immediately archived.  Call me a bitch, but I just can’t deal with that.  How can women be expected to take you seriously if you’re too spastic to even make your profile presentable?  If you are the type of person I’m going to mesh well with, then you have got to be pretty darn intelligent.  Or, at least smart enough to have someone proof read your profile.  I’d even take that!  If you recognize you’re a crappy writer, but you’re still looking to put your best foot forward to find that special someone, then I commend your efforts!

So thus far, I’ve gathered that every guy that chooses to join eHarmony enjoys “staying physically fit” and participating in “outdoor activites”.  Oh, and they all golf.  Seriously, every single one of them plays golf.  And I’m not talking occasionally, I’m talking every waking moment outside of work and a date here and there seems to be golf for these dudes.  They have an average of 6 profile pictures posted, and at least 2 are of them on the golf course.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m good with some golf!  I figure it works out well for me!  Either the future Mr. Right takes me on fantastic trips to beautiful country clubs where I get to hang out with other golf wives, OR he leaves me alone on Saturday mornings so I can go shopping, and have lunch with the girls.  Plus, golf totally lends itself to some adorable, albeit clichéd, dates.  You know, that whole man behind me, with his arms around me, showing me how to correctly hold the club, correcting my swing, keeping me from totally shanking the ball.  “Tee Hee…  I’m sooooo terrible at this!  Thank goodness you’re so awesome, and patient enough to show me the ropes!”  Okay okay, so that’s not quite my style.  But I’m all for a guy putting his arms around me and swinging a golf club.  It’s cute, admit it!  The obsession with fitness cracks me up.  One guy sent me his ‘5 Questions’ (there’s a whole method to this eHarmony “Guided Communication”) so I looked over his profile.  My first internal question was “How on earth is this guy as obsessed with hitting the gym as he says he is, yet still at least 50 lbs overweight?”  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Victoria’s Secret model, and I know that!  But I don’t claim that one of the 5 Things I Can’t Live Without is my gym membership.  Alright, now maybe I do kinda get a kick out of telling guys that I’m a Zumba instructor…  but I don’t pretend that it’s my sole focus and that I’m rocking six pack abs.  So I apologize, ‘Jonathan, 32, Orlando’.  I had to archive you, it was just too odd!

All in all, despite my sarcasm and moderate mocking of the whole thing, I’m still extremely intrigued and plan on continuing this experiment.  I have no doubt that it will continue to produce excellent subject matter for future musings.  So if you’ve enjoyed this one, keep in touch and I’ll keep posting!  With any luck, I’ll take everyone along with me on this conquest!  I think next time I’ll touch on the ego factor involved.  And I’ll go ahead and give you a quick preview on my results thus far…  I’ve been on 3 dates total, 1 with one guy and 2 with another.  Time will tell how it all turns out!  Ideally I'll end up on one of those commercials!  "Megan and John - matched August 2011, married March 2013". I've always thought a spring wedding would be nice...