Breaking "Firefighter" News!

God love you guys who are at the edge of your seats in anxious anticipation of an update on The Firefighter. :-)  I know I kid around a lot (okay, pretty much all the time), but it is truly heartwarming to know that I have such amazing friends and family cheering me on.  Y’all make a girl a little teary-eyed, I must admit!  Okay, enough of the mush…  I promised an update, and I do have one!  So after a week (alright, 8 days to be exact, but who’s counting?) I couldn’t stand it any longer and decided I had to send him a text.  So at about 3pm on day 8 of no contact I sent “So I’m assuming radio silence is a good indicator that there may not be a fourth date in our future… but definitely correct me if I’m wrong! :-)”  I wanted to keep it light, make sure he remembered my witty sense of humor, and not come across like a crazy, pushy, clingy psycho chick.  Which, as you all know, I’m not.  Right?  You know that?  Right???  24 hours later, no response.  So I had pretty much written the whole thing off, convinced myself “Meg, everything happens for a reason.”  Then I check my phone (actually looking for a text from The Stockbroker…more on that later) and BAM!  He’s sent me an email.  I’ll be honest, my stomach kind of leapt up into my throat for a minute.  So I decided the best way to share the email’s contents was just to give it to you straight – copy and paste.  I left out the boring part about his response to the snowboarding video though, as I know nobody cares about THAT part.

“Sorry for the lag in communication. No excuses from my end. After seeing your text yesterday (I was playing beach volleyball in Cocoa all day/ bars in the evening; hence why I did not reply yesterday) it caught me off-guard since it was not on purpose. I looked back at text and email and realized it was my turn on both and it had been over a week since dinner/communication at the Thai House.

 As far as a fourth date, I did not leave date #3 with a bad taste or anything like that. I am not sure if it is/was the same for you since we covered some in-depth topics. However, I guess since there was no-action (which is an action...) on either of our parts for a week; that is not the best of signs. There are many qualities I see in you that I like and am looking for, but at this point I am not feeling that instant undeniable click. So by that admission I guess that leaves us at this point.

Thoughts? Opinions?

Hope all is well,
Pat”

Now I also thought the best way to share how I felt about the whole thing was again, copy and paste.  So here’s the reply I wrote a little while ago:

“Well Hi There!

Honestly, I kinda thought I wouldn't hear back from you, so it was a pleasant surprise getting this today!  I know we don't know each other that well yet, but I did think that you were the kind of guy who at least respond if I reached out, even if you weren't interested in pursuing things further.  So it's good to know I wasn't incorrect in my judgment of character. :-)

And it's quite refreshing to get this kind of email, I must say.  You're honest, and real, and not playing any angles.  It's different, but different in a great way.  So, cards on the table, no games or funny business, here's where I'm at...  I like you.  I find you attractive, you're smart, and witty, and you have a positive outlook on life.  We're definitely different in a number of ways, but I think that's good.  That keeps things exciting!  But we have enough in common too, that we get along pretty darn well.  In general, you bring a lot to the table.  And you're a damn good kisser.  So there's that...  Now all that being said, we obviously still have a fair amount to learn about each other (if this were to continue), and I recognize that.  Three dates does not a perfect match make.  But I have to admit, I'm interested in seeing where this goes. 

Now you said that no action is action in and of itself, which I can agree with.  But it wasn't a non-action action on my part. :-)  Since I was the last to text, and had sent you that email a couple of days later, I figured you'd respond when you could, if you wanted to.  I can't stand the idea that I could come across as one of those pushy, clingy, crazy girls who continues to blow up a guy's phone, even if he's not responding, because that's far from who I am.  Don't get me wrong, I was hoping I'd hear from ya!  But I wasn't about to push.  So when I still hadn't heard anything after over a week, I thought to myself "Well, I have to give it one last ditch effort.  He's too cute, and too smart."  So I sent you that text yesterday.  Had you not written today, that probably would have been the end of the "Megan & The Firefighter" story.  My crude subset of friends would have been slightly disappointed as I'm sure they had a number of ridiculous "hose" references all queued up, but I'm sure they could redirect them to my friend Gretchen whose husband is a cop and just turn the "hose" into a "billy club". LOL

I kinda assumed that you probably weren't quite feeling that "click".  The "X Factor", so to speak, that I think we referenced in previous emails.  The non-action action tends to speak louder than words.  If you were dying to see me again, you would have made that happen.  I think my take on the "X Factor" is a little different, I feel like I have to really know someone to make a determination, and that takes time.  I've met people I thought I was instantly into, only to realize later that they wore me the hell out.  I've also met people I was extremely wary of, who grew to become very important parts of my life.  But you may not be like that.  If you are the kind of person who needs to feel the click from the get-go, and you're just not feeling it, then it is what it is.  I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's up to you.  If you're just not that into me, no big deal!  We can part ways, we can be friends, I'm good with whatever.  Like I said, I like you so far, and even though I was hoping for another kiss one day... okay, maybe a hot make-out session one day (It's been a hot minute since I've had a hot make-out session!), my feelings will not be hurt if you're not into it.  So you just let me know.  The ball is in your court.

So those would be my thoughts and opinions on the matter. :-)  Sounds like you had a kick-ass day yesterday, that is awesome!  I hope today has been a good one too!  Look forward to hearing from you.

-Megan”

So there you have it folks!!!  One small step for me, one giant step for womankind, right??  I’ll keep you posted…

The Firefighter

Things were pretty darn slow for a bit there, but they have definitely picked up immensely over the last few weeks.  It’s like I have stated in previous posts, this eHarmony thing is a rollercoaster!  Activity comes in waves.  Well, the waves have been rolling on in lately, so I figured I’d share a little of what they’ve been bringing in…

This isn't actually him,
in case you were wondering.
That would be amazing though.

Pat, 34, Orlando is a firefighter.  That’s just plain HOT.  No pun intended!  Okay, maybe kind of intended…  He initially sent me one of those Icebreaker thingys, something about how my profile made him smile.  (That’s usually the one I get and the one I send, as the rest are really really lame and in many cases, completely inapplicable.)   So I looked over his profile and found him interesting enough to respond to, and then when I saw his pictures, I got the distinct impression that he was from Colorado!  So I figured instead of sending the normal ‘5 Closed Ended Questions’, I’d go ahead and jump straight to email, that way we could chat about the homeland!  Well, as it turns out, he’s not from Colorado, but went to college there and spent some considerable time living up in the ski resort towns.  We exchanged emails for about a week or so, and every communication was awesome.  He actually sat down and wrote to me, which I loved.  So many guys either don’t have the attention span or the typing skills to actually write out a decent email, so this was refreshing.  It was apparent he was smart, and well spoken, and had a great sense of humor – these are three must-haves, for sure.  And he seemed to really enjoy my emails to him as well.  It must have been the “I have to admit, I really look forward to getting an email from you” that clued me in.  We found that we have a lot in common; we both correlate life to music and movies and television shows, both have a tendency to jump from topic to topic in conversation, and both actually enjoyed the whole email phase of getting to know each other better.  



I love stock photography...
When does a 1st date ever look
like this??

After a number of emails, we exchanged numbers and consequently a number of texts over New Years Eve weekend.  Not necessarily extremely flirtatious, but always cute and playful.  He was witty, and sharp.  Again, must-haves for me.  All in all, the whole thing was leading up to the kind of first date I get nervous about.  Now there are a few different kinds of “First Dates”.  There are the ones that I’m going on because I feel like I ought to at least give it a shot, even though I wasn’t completely sold on our compatibility prior to actually meeting.  There have been plenty of guys who weren’t repulsive or abhorrent, and who seemed like good guys, but just didn’t grab me, you know?  I feel like meeting is at least worth it to see if there’s any reason at all to explore things further.  Best case scenario, there actually is something there and he’s just not super articulate via email or texts.  Worst case scenario, I get a few free glasses of wine and a flatbread and we never speak again.  So really, when you think about it, it’s kind of a win-win for me!  There are also the first dates that one dreads going on.  These are usually the result of some set-up a friend insisted on, on a night when you’d really rather be at home on the couch, wrapped up in a Snuggie, watching reruns of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.  These are the kinds of dates where you don’t really go all out with the hair and makeup, and picking out an outfit is really easy because you don’t even care enough to change out of what you wore to work that day.  Granted, these dates could potentially turn out to be amazing, leaving you wishing you had actually washed your hair and put perfume on.  But generally that only happens if there is a camera, a crew, a script, and you’re Katherine Heigl or Ann Hathaway.  The last, and in my opinion, best kind of first dates are the ones you can’t wait to go on.  These are the ones that you were anxiously waiting for him to ask you on, the ones you just know are going to go well despite the ridiculous butterflies you have an hour beforehand.  For these first dates, you spend days picking out the perfect outfit, making sure it highlights the good features and downplays the bad.  You try it on in a number of different lighting scenarios, just to make sure it’s perfect.  You pre-plan hair and makeup options, and might even fake sick at 3pm at work, just so you can get home and have enough “getting ready” time… even though you’re not meeting for dinner until 7:30.  Obviously, weekends are optimal as it generally causes less stress at the office.  These are the kinds of dates where I have to blare Broadway show tunes in the car and sing at the top of my lungs on the way to dinner, just to calm my nerves.  Why does this calm me, you ask?  Yeah, I have no idea.  It just does.

When the day finally arrived for my first date with Pat, 34, Orlando (aka ‘The Firefighter’), I was ready.  Nervous, but ready.  Had the outfit, had the makeup, was having an AMAZING hair day (Praise Jesus!!!), and had my iPod ready to go.  So I drove downtown, Jason Robert Brown’s ‘Songs for a New World’ and the vocal stylings of yours truly blasting down I-4.  He beat me to the restaurant (phew!) and we talked and ate for what seemed like hours.  Well, it was in fact hours, as the waitress was obviously getting a little antsy and needed us to pay out and go before they put all the chairs up on tables.  I suggested going next door for one more drink, if he was up for it, and he said “Sure”.  So we sat at the bar and before long we weren’t just facing forward, torsos turned to talk.  We were full-on facing each other, my knees pointed towards him, and his outside leg propped up on the lower rung of my barstool forcing our legs to touch.  This kind of body language was a good sign!  After our ‘one more drink’, he walked me to my car, we exchanged the standard “Thanks so much, I had a really good time”s, and then he kissed me.  It was so awkward and so weird that when it was over, I couldn’t help but point it out.  “Dammit!  Why does the end of a first date always have to be weird?!?!” I exclaimed. “You never know what’s going to happen, if it should be a hug, or a handshake, or if there’s going to be a kiss, or where to put your face…  It’s inevitable that it’s gonna be awkward!”  To which he responded “Wanna try that again?” “Yes!” I said.  So he kissed me again.  And it was wonderful.  Damn, he was hot, smart and funny, a fireman, AND a great kisser!  Score!  When we finally parted lips, he asked if I’d be interested in hanging out again sometime, and I said “Absolutely” and got in my car.

Now the next few days were of course complete agony.  I’ve determined that I am good once I get 2 dates under my belt.  But between the first and second dates I turn into a ridiculous psycho.  I admit this freely.  I bombard my friends with emails and phone calls, reliving the first date over and over again, and seeking advice as to how I should proceed.  Since I have absolutely no shame, and no problem displaying my tendency to act like a complete whacko on the World Wide Web for all to laugh at, here is an example of my particular brand of crazy.  This is an excerpt from an email to a friend, wherein I have recounted an entire 2-day long text conversation between the firefighter and I.  I have since apologized profusely to her, for subjecting her to the following insane dribble:

:

1.       No contact on Tuesday.  But I was the last to text Monday night with the ‘Sweet dreams’ thing, so it was his turn.  I made it through… barely.

2.       He texts Wednesday morning with ‘So how’s the battle going?’ This was in reference to how I really didn’t want to come back to work after almost 2 weeks off.  I texted back that I was surviving, and asked how the firehouse was.

3.       He texts back like an hour later with something about how his job is cake and he’s exploring the beaches in Cocoa.

4.       So I wait like an hour and HALF and then text back something about “Man, it’s obviously really rough to be you!”

5.       The next text I get from him (2 hours later) is about how he just got out of the space shuttle launch simulator, and again how much he loves his job.

6.       So I wait another hour or so and text back with “How cool!  I just finished a very boring webinar.  I’m sure you’ll be having awesome social time at the station tonight too, and I’ll be toiling away at the gym…”  This was the last correspondence yesterday.

7.       He texts this morning with “So did you show the gym who is boss?”

8.       To which I reply “Well, I decided that I was much more interested in wine than working out.  I feel kinda guilty… but not much. :-)” while I’m on a break from this morning’s webinar.

9.       When I finished the webinar, I texted again with “Phew!  So glad I’m done with classes for the day.  Enjoying your day off?”

10.   He replied right back (well, like 10 minutes, but that’s pretty much like right back) with “Yes, I’m watching TV, then powernap, then gym time.  Rough day.  What you up to tonight?”

11.   I crap my pants with excitement, hoping that means he’s going to ask me out.

12.   I wait 20 minutes and reply with “Ah the charmed life. :) No real plans for me tonight actually.  Unless I end up in the ER soon for frost bite… my office is freezing!!  I can’t feel my toes.”

13.   He texted back at 12:02pm with “Yeah, after 4 days of this cold weather crap, the roommate and I decided to turn on the furnace today. I slept in a track suit the other night.  WTF”

14.   To which I responded at 12:23pm with “Yeah, I either need these people to turn a furnace on up in here, or someone to warm me up!”

15.   1:11pm he replies with “That could be a fun job…”  AHHHHHHH!!!!!

16.   So I wrote “It’s not a bad gig, if I do say so myself. :)  But you have to have the right qualifications.”

17.   To which he replied with a sarcastic comment about Excel and Microsoft Office 2010… then FINALLY said that we should definitely go on a second date.  PHEW.

18.   3:47pm - I collapse from both the mental exhaustion of carefully planning my texts, and the physical exhaustion of all the texting itself, and typing these emails to you.  I plug my phone in to charge, as it has now died.

As you can see, it makes absolutely no sense how I manage to pay a mortgage, a car payment, a number of other pertinent bills, get up in the morning and get myself ready for work, AND care for a pet without adult supervision or heavy-duty medication.

Finally the second date arrives.  We meet for lunch and it goes very well!  It was apparent we were both much more relaxed than we had been on the first date, and conversation is flowing freely.  I give him the rundown on my business trip to SC and how one of my trainees magically disappeared from the last 3 days of class.  He tells me about the friends he plans to see on his upcoming trip to AR to pick up his truck.  At the end, he walks me to my car again, we hug, but no kiss this time.  Which didn’t really bother me because it was A)broad daylight out, B)Wednesday, and C)the parking lot was directly across from a high school. No need to be makin’ out in front of all the kids.  Now that the second date was out of the way, I felt instantly more relaxed about the whole situation.  Or so I thought…  Second date was on a Wednesday, I didn’t hear from him again until the following Monday!  Thursday and Friday I was fine,  I knew he was out of town, but I did start to wig out a bit by Sunday.  By Monday I had all but written him off when POOF!  He swoops back in with a “How was your weekend?” text.  Monday and Tuesday were actually pretty light as communication goes.  Then I get a text Wednesday morning that says “Hey, do you have plans tonight?  Sorry it’s last minute, but I wanted to see if you’d like to grab dinner.”  So I accepted.  I figured it would be okay to be available on a weeknight for a last minute dinner invite, but had it been a Friday or Saturday, I totally would have been busy.  Even if I weren’t busy.  Gotta play the game, right?  Not that the rules are written anywhere…  but I’m almost positive one of them says something about making sure you don’t seem too available.

By the third date I’m more nervous about finding parking than I am about seeing him again.  I’m just excited to see him again at night, with the possibility of another kiss!  We have a great dinner at a Thai place, and talk and talk and talk some more.  I take this third date opportunity to bring up some of “the majors”; Religion, Politics, and Goals (which is my nice way of asking “Do you want to start a family fairly soon?  ‘Cause if you’re not looking to make babies, I’m not the chick for you.  I’ve got one hell of a ticking biological clock here, and if impregnating me is out of scope for you, then I don’t think this is gonna work.”)  Interestingly enough, he’s kinda neither here nor there on the subjects of politics and religion.  Which is fine!  I just expected one of those topics to fire him up, based on our communication thus far.  And on the topic of “Goals”, he did say that he saw himself settling down and starting a family in the next few years, but that he wasn’t necessarily feeling that whole “biological clock ticking thing” that a woman probably feels.  And let me state for the record, I was playing it waaaaaay cool here.  I hadn’t mentioned a word about my baby fever.  I often wonder though, if it’s written on my forehead in an invisible ink that only those with a Y chromosome can see…   So we finish dinner and he walks me to my car (the consummate gentleman).  We chat briefly about how my hamstrings hurt from my recent obsession with kickboxing and how I never realized how much fun pretending to slice someone in half with a samurai sword could be.  Then he kisses me.  YAY!  I was totally hoping for a kiss!  On my way home I call a girlfriend to update her on the events of the evening, and he sends me a text that says “I really enjoyed dinner.  Hope you have a great day at work tomorrow.”  To which I respond, “Me too!  Thanks again!  Oh, we forgot to discuss one more major though!  Favorite ice cream flavor! :-)” This was in reference to an email exchange we had prior to actually meeting wherein I said I’d save discussion of taboo topics such as religion, politics and favorite ice cream flavor (me=the consummate smartass) for a face to face conversation.  I also said “Hope you have a good day tomorrow too.  No bad calls.”  As a firefighter, a ‘bad call’ means someone is dying.  That’s no bueno.

So, you’d think that things were progressing quite nicely, right?  Well, the jury is still out.  I haven’t heard from him since Date #3, and that was 5 days ago.  I sent him an email a couple days after the date with a link to a clip from The Today Show about extreme snowboarding (he’s big into snowboarding).  I thought he’d get a kick out of it (hence the subject line “I thought you’d get a kick out of this”) but no response.  Luckily, I’m past the initial phase of “Why hasn’t he called me?!?!?!?!?!?!”, so I’m not crying myself to sleep or anything.  But I have to admit, I’m slightly annoyed at this latest Disappearing Act.  Did I say something wrong?  Was the invisible ink glowing like a neon sign in a bar window, thus scaring him away?  Really, who wants to stare at a neon sign?  That would leave the annoying light trails that get temporarily burned on your retina.  Was the email too much?  There have been others that disappeared without a trace, and as much as that sucks, I was able to brush it off.  This one is bugging me though.  My initial thought is to call him out on it.  Question the lack of communication. “So no 4^th date huh?”  or “Where exactly did you lose interest?”  Not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but just to satisfy my own curiosity.  If he’s not feeling it, he’s not feeling it.  The normal, logical, rational side of me completely understands that and would never try and force something.  Especially because that would make me look like a desperate loser.  But wouldn’t it be nice to know WHY?  Who knows, maybe I’ll get a surprise text today.  But maybe I’ll surprise myself, throw caution to the wind, and see what his deal is.  Only time will tell…  and then once it does I’ll post an update and tell you.  Especially if my cajones do drop, I ask him “So…What’s up with the silence?”, AND he actually tells me.  The way I see it, that would be one small step for me, but one giant step for ‘women-who-wonder-why-a-guy-disappeared-on-them’kind.

The Disappearing Act

I know, it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, my apologies for the delay.  It’s just that I’m not all that motivated to write when there’s a whole of nothing going on.  But now that I FINALLY went on another date this past weekend, I figured it was time to dust off the keyboard and get back to work!  As I’ve stated previously, this whole thing is a roller coaster and there are ups (now being one of those times) and downs.  The last couple of months consisted of a little bit of written communication here and there, but nothing to write home (or write a blog) about.  Of course, in my constant need for instant gratification, I was getting frustrated and pondered just letting the whole thing go and leave eHarmony alone for a little while, focus my energies elsewhere.  It’s not like I can cancel, they’ve got me on the hook for another 3 months and something tells me they aren’t likely to provide refunds.  But the hopeless romantic in me decided to press forward, check out the matches as they are sent to me, and continue the seemingly never ending search for a mate.

One of the biggest sources of frustration in this search has got to be when all communication just stops suddenly.  This has happened to me more times than I can count, and it is starting to get extremely annoying.  I’ve found there are a few ways this occurs, one much more offending than the others.  The first, least offensive disappearing act occurs during the whole “Guided Communication” piece.  If you haven’t read any of my previous posts, I’ll give you the quick rundown on the process…  There are 3 steps that the relationship experts at eHarmony have devised to assist in matches getting to know each other better.  The first is 5 closed-ended, multiple choice questions, the second is a list of things you must have and can’t stand in a relationship partner, and the third is 3 open ended questions wherein the respondent can answer free form.  As weird as some of the questions are, they do provide a decent means of seeking out valuable information.  I can definitely see how there are times when a person’s list of Must Haves/Can’t Stands could be a deal breaker.  For example, one of my personal Must Haves is “I must have a partner to shares my desire to have or adopt children”.  Basically, I’m having a baby at some point, period.  So you’d better be on board with that, or there’s really no point in us continuing communication.  I’ve already promised future generations that I would not deny them offspring containing my genetic makeup.  I mean, what would the world be like if the awesome stopped here?  That’s just not fair!  So if a match already has kids and is pretty set on not having any more, OR has had “the snip” and is physically incapable of impregnating me, I could see them reading my list of Must Haves and realizing that we probably just aren’t going to work.  So I can’t be too upset that they have decided to bow out gracefully and disappear.  I’m hoping this was the case with Brent, 37, Orlando.  He was HOT, and a cop (something about the uniform and the gun is just sexy) but he already had a daughter.  I like to think he was really into me, but just couldn’t bear to tell me he wasn’t interested in having more kids.  So he chose to spare himself the pain of falling for me and not being able to fulfill my needs, therefore forcing me to eventually break up with him and break his law enforcing heart.  Yeah, we’ll just go with that.

While I’m on this kid topic, I have to vent about something.  Why do these guys put ‘Maybe” under the part on their profile that says “Wants Kids”??  I have discovered, on more than one occasion, that ‘Maybe’ really means ‘No’.  It’s almost like they don’t want to put ‘No’ because they’re pretty sure most of us women do want to have our own kids and they don’t want to eliminate potential matches with such a concrete answer.  Well guess what, guys…  it’s not like you’re gonna change our minds!  Did you think we’d fall in love with you and give up on what is one of the most primordial female desires?  Shoot, sometimes this whole desire to completely destroy our bodies, gain a bunch of weight, buy a whole new wardrobe, and be a hormonal hot mess for the better part of a year isn’t even a conscious decision!  Most of us are just hot wired to want babies.  So if you think that you’ll lure us in with your ‘Maybe’ and we’ll just go along with it all when you say ‘Well, no.  I don’t really want to have kids with you.’ you may be certifiably insane.  And it’s no wonder you’re still single, as you obviously don’t understand the female psyche at all.  Alright, I’ll step down off of that soapbox now.  This message brought to you by my ticking biological clock.

The second disappearing act occurs after Guided Communication has been completed and we’ve actually moved into the whole email part.  This one is slightly more disconcerting.  I find that the email phase is the most useful, telling phase of the whole thing.  There have been a number of matches with whom I thought I had a great little rapport going who just dropped off the face of the earth, for all intents and purposes.  How on earth could the contents of one email be enough for you to determine that you’re not interested when you’ve been pretty darn interested thus far?  Even if there’s something to cause concern, wouldn’t you take the opportunity to write back and inquire further about it?  Let’s take Mark, 34, Lake Mary, for example.  I thought we were getting along swimmingly!  We had been emailing about once every couple of days or so, and we found we had a fair amount in common.  We were both very happy in our careers and enjoyed our jobs, had similar interests in restaurants, music, and movies, and liked to kid around a lot.  But one day, poof!  No more responses from Mark, 34, Lake Mary.  I thought we were actually pretty close to the point wherein we would exchange numbers, maybe try to meet up soon, but nope.  He pulled a Houdini on me. 

I’m still trying to figure out how to outsmart the whole site and figure out if people are still active without alerting them to the fact that I’ve viewed their profile.  My little sister would call it “creeping” if it were someone’s Facebook page.  Some might refer to it as “eHarmony stalking”.  I prefer to call it “creative relationship research”.  See, there is a running list of people who have viewed your profile.  Each time I log in, I see this list and can see who has been checking me out.  So obviously, everyone can see their own said list.  However, I’ve found that people are able to communicate with me without their name appearing on this list.  When you go to answer some form of communication, it brings you to the person’s profile, so logic and reason would tell me that this would count as the profile being viewed.  But I don’t think that it does.  The most valuable part of someone’s profile after they have “disappeared” is a little line at the top that tells you when they were last active on the site.  If weeks have gone by and they haven’t been active, this could prove that they just stopped using eHarmony altogether, thus making me feel much better about being Houdini-ed.  It wasn’t ME they ditched, it was dating altogether!  Maybe they firmed things up with someone they had already been talking to and were pretty much in a relationship now.  Maybe they had an existential crisis and had decided to be celibate for 6 months in attempts to clear their mind and purify their body.  Either way, it wasn’t me.  That definitely helps keep me from thoughts of eternal singledom and fears of the neighbor children throwing rocks at my windows explaining to their friends “That’s old spinster Megan’s house… she lives alone in there and my mom says it will stink when she dies because nobody will find her body for weeks and that will bring the resale value for the whole neighborhood down.”

The third and final disappearing act is the hardest of the three to take.  The absolute worst is when you do actually go on a first date… and that is the last time you talk to them.  OUCH.  Now trust me when I tell you that I’m generally never accused of having self esteem issues.  So as much as this may seem like a pity party…  Okay, so yeah.  It’s going to be a pity party.  It won’t last long, I promise, just come along with me for a moment here.  Talk about self defeating!  By my calculations, I’ve been on 9 first dates thus far.  2 of them have turned into second dates.  That’s a 22% success rate, which is pretty darn terrible.  I have an even worse 4^th date success rate, that one is 0%.  But that I can stomach a little bit better.  Dating is all about trying to find that special someone, and I can definitely see how after 3 dates, one can determine that someone just isn’t for them.  You’ve spent a decent amount of time with one another, and most importantly, you’ve given it 3 chances, not just 1.  How can a first date determine much of anything?  I’m a firm believer in at least 2 dates.  The first date can be nerve racking!  It’s not a fair assessment, in my opinion.  But apparently, to 7 out of 9 men, it was enough to tell them I wasn’t the one.  I’ve racked my brain trying to come up with something I did, or something I said, but I can’t for the life of me come up with anything substantial!  I’m actually pretty comfortable on the first date, so I’m generally not one to be awkward.  I’m my bubbly, witty, smiling self.  I shower regularly and wear clean clothes, so I can’t imagine it’s a hygiene issue.  And in these 7 out of 9 situations, we’ve had great conversations via email, phone, and text for weeks, and what you read is pretty much what you get with me.  Megan on paper is pretty much the same as Megan live and in person.  So the only thing I can contribute this sudden disinterest to is 100% based on physical appearance.  Granted, I’m no Victoria’s Secret model.  But is that really what 78% of men HAVE to have?  

Now you very well may be saying the same thing that all of my friends tell me “Listen, if he’s not into you for whatever reason after meeting you face to face, then he’s obviously not the one for you.”  And I concur, you’re right.  But that doesn’t make it any easier to take.  Especially after they really seemed promising, both prior to the first meeting AND after that first date.  I seem to put the matches I’m communicating with into one of two categories.  There are the ones that I’m interested in getting to know better, trying to see if there’s any potential there.  These are the ones that I’m not necessarily dying to rush the process and meet right away, but are perfectly viable prospects.  Then there are the ones who I seem instantly much more interested in.  These are the ones I check the phone every 5 minutes for, to see if they’ve written something new or answered the most recent communication.  These are the ones who cause the most emotional distress after that first and last date combo.  Nothing sucks more than going home after what seemed to be a really great first date, and waiting in anxious anticipation for them to call again to set up the next one, only to never hear another word.  This sad, depressing feeling is generally only cured by the appearance of a new prospect who fits into that latter category.  Either that, or copious amounts of vodka.  I’ve found copious amounts of vodka tend to cure many different ailments.

You might be wondering, do I see every single match through?  Okay, I admittedly I do not.  I have pulled a Houdini myself a couple of times.  So sure, if you are a believer in karma, then I suppose I’ve got a couple disappearing acts coming to me.  There was John, 29, Winter Park.  I didn’t find him very physically attractive in the pictures posted to his profile, but I thought I’d go ahead and respond to his request for Guided Communication, see what he had to say.  We had a few things in common, and he hadn’t said anything outright offensive throughout our email correspondences, so I agreed (via email) to meeting for coffee sometime.  Well, he sent his number in the next email, probably thinking that I’d use that bit of information to call him and plan this coffee date.  But unfortunately, another shiny object caught my eye and poor John was essentially left hanging.  Dear John, I’m really sorry about that.  You know that gut feeling you get about people though?  Well sometimes it’s just best if you trust your gut.  And my gut was telling me that you’d either bore the shit out of me, or I’d wear you out with my penchant for the dramatic.  Either way, I just didn’t see anything good coming of that coffee date, except perhaps a sugar free nonfat caramel macchiato.  I find myself wishing that these uninterested guys would just let me know that they weren’t interested, but I suppose nobody wants to deliver bad news like that.  I certainly didn’t feel any nagging responsibility to inform Keith, 30, Orlando of this fact.  So I suppose that I shouldn’t be too upset with Sean, 36, Orlando for not telling me “Thanks, but no thanks.”  It’s all part of the process, I suppose.  And besides, driving the opposite sex mad with indecisiveness is all part of the fun!  If you have a twisted, sadistic sense of fun, that is.

Needless to say, I haven’t found Mr. Right just yet.  There are a couple of dates planned this week though, so that’s my bit of good news to report!  The upcoming one is with a firefighter, and similar to the cop, that’s just sexy.  He’s been well spoken, witty, flattering, and extremely intriguing thus far, definitely falling into that category of match where I can’t wait for the next email or text.  I find when you really really really want something to work out for the best, you come up with a number of ridiculous correlations that point you in a positive direction.  In this case, I’ve convinced myself that since he’s Greek, and back in college there was a Greek guy with a HUGE crush on me, it’s a sure fire win.  And yes, I am completely aware that that is probably one of the dumbest things you’ve ever read.  I’m okay with that.  It’s whatever gets me through that counts!  I’ve also decided that if he disappears on me, it’s because he’s a firefighter and they are  reputedly big time players, so when he realized that I’m a true woman of the new millennium, he also realized that I wasn’t easy.  So fingers crossed that dinner and drinks with the Greek firefighter at least turns into a second date.  Ideally, I’d love to report that I made it through that 4^th date barrier!  I figure if I can get to a 6^th date, we’re probably soul mates and I can go ahead and start planning the wedding, since that would be such an amazing feat for me.  So on that note, I’m going to try on every outfit in my closet, and take pictures in my full length mirror to text to girlfriends for advice.  This could take close to 3-4 hours, so I’d better get a move on… 

 

Stay Tuned. :-)