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| Dating without the internet?? Hmmm... |
I have actually been a somewhat busy little dating bee over the past few months. And the crazy thing is that for the most part, it had nothing to do with eHarmony. There were a couple of brief little flings there; one with a guy I’ve known for a while, who after 2 years came forward with some romantic intentions, and one with someone I was introduced to through a mutual friend. Dating the “old fashioned” way! Crazy, right? Well the only downside to all this traditional means of meeting people was that I couldn’t really blog about them. The old friend was (and still is) a Facebook Friend, so I didn’t feel it was right writing a whole blog post about him and plastering it all over my FB page. The friend of a friend isn’t a FB friend, but the friend is. (That made perfect sense, right??) So again, I just didn’t feel it would be appropriate to post about him and have his buddy read it, and more than likely forward on the link. But now that both situations have essentially fizzled out, I figure “Hey, it’s open season!”
I’ll start with the old friend. And I mean “old” as in we’ve known each other for a while, not that he’s old! Shit, 30 has me feeling pretty damn old. So I’m in no position to rag on anyone for their age. (I’ll save my “I HATE being 30” rant for another post) Because I always use fake names when talking about people here on the World Wide Web, let’s call this guy Daniel. Daniel and I met a few years back. We were never what you might call close friends, more like acquaintances that always swore they’d meet up for a beer sometime and never did. Well about a year, maybe a year and a half ago, Daniel moved. So our only real connection anymore was on Facebook. Oh The Facebook… keeping people connected since what, 2007? So we’d exchange the occasional comment on each other’s wall, or an IM here or there. I noticed when I started blogging that he became a fairly avid reader of ‘Meggs Musings’, as he often commented on my posts or IM’d me to chat about it. He was always very complimentary of my writing, which was super flattering. Then Daniel started to get a little flirty. “Hmmmm…” I thought to myself, “This might be worth exploring!” Eventually he asked for my number, so we progressed from FB IMs to actual phone calls and text messages. Then one day he told me he was going to be in town, and he’d like to meet up for dinner. So I accepted! The funny part was, I had no idea if it was a date. Yes, he had been flirty, and yes, it seemed to be moving in a date-like direction, and yes, he totally picked me up. We had a really good time chatting it up over a couple of cocktails and some dinner, and yes, he paid. Then he drove me home, pulled into the driveway, and we said goodnight. No walk to the door, no attempt at a goodnight kiss, nuthin’. So I had NO idea if it was a date or just a couple of “old” friends hanging out.
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| Beer - The original "Truth Serum" |
The following week we had a pretty hilarious phone conversation wherein he did confirm (after a number of Guinness’) it was absolutely a date, and that he couldn’t wait to take me out again. Mystery solved! We did go out a couple more times, and I had a great time each time. Something was missing though. He was the kind of guy I could tell would absolutely give me the world, yet that “spark” wasn’t quite there. Have you ever tried on a pair of shoes that looked really great in the store, and then when you brought them home and tried to wear them they were so uncomfortable that it just didn’t make any sense to keep them? Maybe I should rephrase that… Daniel wasn’t “uncomfortable”, that isn’t a fair statement. Ooh! I know! Have you ever bought a pair of shoes that were gorgeous in the store, seemed to be a really great buy, but then didn’t seem to go with any outfit in your closet? And even when you tried to go out and buy a new outfit, because you really wanted to make the new awesome shoes work, you just couldn’t find anything that fit right? This thing was kind of like that. Daniel is a wonderful man! Smart, funny, successful, family-oriented, he loved my dog… but I just couldn’t find the right outfit.
Maybe it was the distance. He had left town for a great job opportunity, one which seemed to be serving him quite well in his new location. So chances are, he wasn’t coming back to Orlando any time soon. And I’m definitely not leaving Orlando any time soon. I start grad school in the fall, my little sister is moving into the West Wing of mi casa this summer, and my job is here. I’m TERRIBLE at the long-distance thing. Ask my friends who don’t live in Orlando. I’m very much an “out of sight, unfortunately out of mind” kinda person. Not intentionally! But it’s hard to keep my attention If you’re not constantly in my face. Maybe this crazy busy summer schedule of mine is to blame. When weekends are generally your only option to see someone, and your weekends are booked through August, it tends to make dating a little difficult. Either way, Daniel and I just weren’t meant to be. And since I’m pretty sure he’s probably going to read this… Daniel (you know who you are, even though I changed your name for the purposes of this story!), you rock. I hope there aren’t any hard feelings and that we can stay friends. Like I said, I had a wonderful time and will always be grateful for an awesome day out on the water.
Now, on to the friend of a friend. Obviously, I wear my single status on my sleeve. Sometimes it feels more like a scarlet letter than anything, but regardless, pretty much everyone knows of my plight to find Mr. Right. (Awwwww! That even rhymed! Plight to find Mr. Right!) When I really think about it, it’s almost odd that it took the better part of a year for anyone to even attempt to set me up with one of their single friends. Although, I have had close girlfriends whose boyfriends have admitted “Uh, all my single guy friends are pretty much douchebags. I wouldn’t do that to you.” So maybe the lack of introductions was really all for the best… Well, a buddy of mine and I were chatting on the phone one night and he said to me “Hey. You know, I have this single friend… he’s a really awesome guy. Probably one of my very best friends. Maybe you guys should meet! I mean, who knows? You may not hit it off, but then again, you might. Whadya think?” Intrigued, I asked him for the rundown…
So let’s call this one Matt. Matt was 29, an outside sales rep (well, his friend pumped him up a little bit and gave him more of a “Regional Manager” title when we spoke. Awww…. Now that’s a good friend!) who owned his own home not far from mine, and also liked dogs. The only upfront downside to Matt was that he was recently divorced… like a couple of months recently… and for the second time. Initially I thought, “Ouch. Twice divorced before 30? What’s up with that??” But, I was assured that I would not be “the rebound” (apparently that woman had already come and gone), and that the guy was the unfortunate victim of hopeless romanticism, the ignorance of youth, and a couple of cheating bitches. So I figured, “Eh, what the heck??” Most of my past relationships stemmed from introductions through friends, it was at least worth a shot. The guy seemed to have his stuff together as far as his career and finances are concerned, he sounded like a real ‘grown-up’, which was definitely attractive, and I chose to take the double-divorced status as a positive. At least the guy isn’t afraid of commitment! So I gave my buddy the green light to pass along my phone number.
The next day I got a text from Matt, joking about how he heard that he had a new Facebook stalker. (Of course I had forced our friend to fork over the dude’s last name so I could at least try and see some pics.) A somewhat witty and playful introduction, not bad! From there we spent the next couple of weeks exchanging texts and a couple of phone calls. He was witty, well spoken, and smart. Could definitely hold up his end of an intelligent conversation, which is huge for me. We learned that we both graduated from an accelerated academics program in high school called International Baccalaureate. I knew my mother would just LOVE that he was IB, so that was a definite tally in the ‘Pros’ column. We covered all sorts of things in our conversations from childhood experiences, to thoughts on religion, to favorite foods and hangout spots around town. We definitely had a fair amount in common, and he made me smile. He’d send “Good Morning! {waves}” texts while I was getting ready for work. How sweet is that??
When we were finally able to actually meet (crazy schedules all around), he put together probably the cutest date idea I’ve seen yet. He had asked me out for Sunday brunch. Already I gave him props for being a little more creative than the same ol’ same ‘ol dinner invite. Not that I’m being a dinner-downer! I just thought brunch was a cool idea. Plus I love brunch. Breakfast food + alcohol?? Yes please! Being a pretty chivalrous guy, Matt came to my house to pick me up. When I got into his truck, there were 4 sealed envelopes on the seat. I assumed that he had just gotten the mail or something, so I moved them to the center console. When he got in, he said “Well, I don’t know yet where we’re going.” My first thought was “Dammit! I hate picking the place! Especially for the first date! Ugh!” But then he picked up and splayed the 4 envelopes that I had placed on the center console and said “You have to pick!” I have no doubt that my face lit up as I was definitely quite taken with his creativity. Initially, I tried to hold them all up to the sun, but he informed me that he had preemptively stopped me from cheating by using security envelopes. So I chose an envelope, opened it, and unfolded the slip of paper inside. ‘Denny’s’. Awww man!!! I picked Denny’s??? He laughed and said “Well, you picked it! Away to Denny’s we go! How you managed to pick THAT one is beyond me.” I protested, saying that it wasn’t 3am, and I was sober, therefore it was completely inappropriate to go to Denny’s. Luckily for me, he had pre-planned that little joke. He produced 4 new sealed envelopes from a pocket behind the passenger seat and had me re-pick. Good call on brunch, very impressive opener with the envelopes, and even a joke worked in there – All in all, he was winning before we left my driveway!
Our second date was also well thought out. I have to give Matt credit. Live music at a little outdoor concert, then dinner at a restaurant I had talked about wanting to try but had never been to before. He was 2 for 2! The third date was my pick, as I had lost a bet on how many SNL Digital Shorts had featured Andy Samburg and Justin Timberlake’s characters from “Dick in a Box”. I completely forgot about “It’s Okay if it’s in a Three Way”! I think it was on the third date that he fessed up to having read my blog. I had assumed he probably did, but it never really came up organically, so I just let it lie. After that came Matt’s 30th birthday, for which I made him cupcakes and bought him lunch. I figured baked goods were an appropriate way of saying “I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday, and do something nice for you, but not get all serious and super meaningful about it, seeing as I honestly don’t know you all that well yet and we’ve only been out a few times.” After his birthday, he was off to Germany on a week-long vacation he and our mutual friend had had on the books for a little while.
I got a text upon his return stateside, which I took as a good sign that I’d get to see him again. It was still too soon to tell what all was there, but he had me at least intrigued enough to see where it might go. The only problem was that over the next week or so there was nothing but texts. No phone calls, no attempts to make future plans. Now over the last 12 months of dating as a competitive sport I have definitely learned one extremely valuable lesson; If they want to see you again, they’ll make it happen. Plain and simple. That’s one part of the male psyche that isn’t too difficult to decipher. So when Matt had not shown any initiative to see me again face to face, I decided to call him out on it. I actually got a very positive response! He said he did want to see me again and even asked if I was free that afternoon to meet up for a bit, grab a frozen yogurt. I unfortunately had plans for that Sunday afternoon, so we decided on lunch the next day, and dinner the following weekend. Well, we did have lunch the next day, but never made it to dinner.
Later that week Matt called to let me know that he didn’t think we should see each other anymore. Now before you jump to conclusions and start calling him names, I want to state for the record that I give him TONS of credit for actually making that phone call. All things considered, he didn’t really have to do that. Most men would have just stopped texting/calling altogether, and hope I’d do the same so that they could avoid a potentially awkward conversation. We’d only been out a few times, it’s not like he necessarily owed me anything. Maybe it was because we had tentative plans for the upcoming weekend, maybe it was because I’m friends with one of his best friends, ideally it was because he’s just a good guy. The conversation went a little like this:
Matt: Hey, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I’ve determined I really don’t think I should be dating right now. I also went back and re-read a few of your blogs, and I just don’t think I’m in a place right now to be able to give you what you’re looking for.
Megan: Well, that’s understandable. You are super fresh out of not just a relationship, but a marriage. I knew going into this that it was a bit of a craps shoot. I chose not to put any expectations on it, and figured I’d just see where things went. And if you’re just not feeling it, I can respect that.
Matt: I just know you’re looking for that knight in shining armor right now, and my armor is tucked so far back in a closet, it isn’t even close to being accessible at this point.
Megan: Well I give you a lot of credit for actually calling me to tell me, that was very cool of you to do. I completely understand, and no hard feelings.
Matt: Thanks. Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later… or maybe not. Uh, I dunno.
Megan: Who knows! If we cross paths again one day, cool. If not, no big deal! I wish you the best of luck.
I honestly can’t remember the whole convo verbatim, but you get the gist. The armor part is pretty spot on though, that part I remember because I thought it was well phrased. Now who knows? He could have totally been playing the “recently divorced” card to cover for the fact that he just wasn’t all that into to me. But even if that was the case, he still made the phone call. And for that, Matt, I thank you. Well for that, and for sending your plumber neighbor over to my house to fix my water pressure. THAT was awesome!!! I had the worst water pressure for 2 years and feared it was going to cost an arm and a leg to fix. But thanks to one phone call from Matt and 30 bucks, I can flush the toilet AND run a faucet successfully – at the same time!
